Am I Staying Because of Faith or Fear?

Am I Staying Because of Faith or Fear?

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Faith and fear are very different things.
And yet, in real life, they can be surprisingly easy to confuse.

 

I have to ask myself uncomfortable questions sometimes.

 

Why am I staying in this job?
Why am I staying in this town?
Why am I staying in this friendship?
Why am I staying in this marriage?

 

These are not questions asked lightly, and they are not questions asked by people who do not care. They are often asked by people who deeply desire to honor God and do the right thing.

 

If we keep in mind that each of us were created with purpose and calling to bear specific fruit, then the question becomes more focused. Why am I staying where I am right now? Does it align with the dreams the Lord put in my heart? Is it aligned with my purpose to bear the fruit I was created to produce?

 

When I ask that honestly, without fear or self-judgment, the answer often begins to surface. And sometimes that answer is uncomfortable.

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Staying Can Feel Like Faith

There are many reasons I might stay in a difficult situation.

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Staying can feel responsible.
Staying can feel sacrificial.
Staying can feel safe.

 

In Christian culture especially, staying in various difficult situations is often praised as faithfulness whereas leaving is quietly associated with failure, faithlessness, selfishness, or rebellion.

 

But Scripture does not define faith by endurance alone. Faith is defined by obedience. And obedience does not always lead me down a path that feels comfortable, predictable, or safe. Obedience to the purposes the Lord created me for are highest on any scale of ranking.

 

If I assume that staying is always the Godly option, I may never stop to ask whether God is actually leading me to remain, or whether I am staying because leaving feels too uncertain.

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Am I Calling Fear “Faith?"

Fear is subtle. It does not always feel like panic.

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Sometimes fear sounds like wisdom.
Sometimes fear sounds like caution.
Sometimes fear sounds like patience.

 

Fear asks questions like:
What if I make the wrong choice?
What if I can’t support myself?
What if I regret leaving?

 

Faith does not eliminate fear. Faith simply moves forward in spite of it.

 

When I look at Scripture, I do not see God presenting the faithful path as the easiest, safest, or least risky option. I see the opposite. The path of obedience often involves uncertainty, discomfort, and the unknown. But it also consistently leads to fulling my purposes, bearing fruit, and an abundant life.

 

If staying requires me to silence my spirit, suppress my calling, or merely cope in order to endure, it is worth asking whether what I am calling faith might actually be fear of the unknown.

 

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What Jesus Said

When I slow down and examine Scripture carefully, I notice some important patterns.

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There are scriptures where Jesus speaks of people leaving livelihoods, families and even spouses for the sake of the Kingdom and commends them for it. Could this be?

 

“And Jesus said unto them… Everyone that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.”  Matthew 19:28-29 (KJV)

 

In contrast to this scripture, there are no scriptures that commend staying in a place or a relationship to help change it or them.

 

There are no scriptures that teach one’s purpose in life is to make another person better so that they can fulfill their calling.

 

There are no scriptures instructing believers to pray for a spouse to change or to sacrifice their God-given purpose to fix another human being.

 

There are scriptures about staying with an unbelieving spouse so that they might one day come to salvation. But there are no scriptures about staying indefinitely with a believing spouse to rescue, or complete them at the cost of one’s own calling.

 

This distinction matters, even if it is uncomfortable.

 

Many beliefs I once assumed were biblical turn out to be religious tradition - bondage. And many well-intentioned Christians are yoked with burdens God never placed on them.

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What Fruit Is My Life Producing?

Jesus teaches that trees are known by their fruit.

That principle applies to me as much as it applies to anyone else.

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When I look honestly at my life, what fruit is being produced by staying where I am?

Growth or stagnation?
Joy or numbness?

Bearing fruit or enduring?
Life or quiet resentment?

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When a role, an environment, or relationship continually results in suppression and survival, rather than producing the fruit I was created to produce, it is worth asking whether that situation is shaping me into the tree I was created to be.

 

Endurance is not fruit. Waiting for someone to change so you can then produce your fruit is not patience; it is still not fruit.

 

If I have to numb myself, medicate myself, or shut down parts of who I am in order to endure what I call faithfulness, something deserves closer examination.

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The Comfort of Predictable Chains

Scripture gives a powerful picture of this struggle in the story of the Israelites leaving Egypt.

 

They were enslaved, but they were fed.
They were oppressed, but life was predictable.

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When God led them toward the promised land, they were hopeful at first. But once the journey became uncomfortable and uncertain, fear took over. They longed to return to slavery, to chains and bondage because at least they knew what to expect.

 

It is easy to read that story and wonder how anyone could want to go back to slavery.

 

But when I am honest, I recognize the same fear in myself.

 

God may show me a different future, one that resonates deeply with my spirit. I feel excitement and hope. But when uncertainty arrives, when that feeling of excitement disappears, I can then feel the pull toward what is familiar, even if it is confining.

 

This is not a moral failure. It is human to fear the unknown.

 

Even in modern life, people who have been physically incarcerated for long periods often experience anxiety at the thought of freedom. Some even unconsciously sabotage their release or themselves after release in order to return to prison. Familiar confinement can feel safer than uncertain freedom.

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A Light That Wants to Grow

Many sincere Christians are not wrestling with rebellion. They are wrestling with religion.

 

Deep within, there is often a sense of life, energy, and calling struggling to grow. That light is felt but not trusted. Wanting peace, freedom, or growth can feel suspicious, even sinful.

 

Often, it is neither.

 

Sometimes, the most faithful thing I can do is to stop confusing fear with obedience.

 

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A Gentle Invitation

If I am staying somewhere, it is worth asking why.

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Not with condemnation.
Not with shame.
But honestly, before God.

 

Am I staying because the Lord is leading me here?
Or am I staying because leaving feels too uncertain?

 

If you are asking these questions, you are not broken. You are not selfish. You are not faithless.

 

Faith does not always feel safe.
But fear always resists movement.

 

God’s call leads forward, even when I am afraid.
Fear keeps me still.

 

The question is not simply whether I am staying.

 

The question is whether I am staying because of faith, or because of fear.